This short "Romantic Memo" contains thoughts, observations, research and ideas about Keeping RomanceAlive  in relationships.


Recently I visited my daughter. Whenever I visit her, I bring along a little gift. I know my daughter. She likes to receive little gifts.

I unpacked my suitcase, took out the perfect t-shirt for her from Captain Jackson’s Historic Chocolate Shop in Boston. The t-shirt’s message: “Keep Calm and Eat Chocolate.” It’s:

  1. A small gift, and
  2. She loves chocolate.

She unpacked the t-shirt, took a quick look then set it on the counter – where it remained all weekend.

What happened? In the past, she would have showed interest, said how much she liked it and promptly put it on. But this time zero.

Now the rest of the weekend we spent taking long walks, great conversation, exploring new areas in Minnesota – hanging out together and enjoying each other’s company. Things we’ve always enjoyed

Ever had something similar happen with your sweetheart?

You spent considerable time learning how your sweetheart prefers to be romanced. You’ve “successfully” created multiple Romantic Interludes centered around your sweetheart’s top preference.

One day it dawns on you. Interludes once received enthusiastically have become passé. They no longer have the same appeal.

Has your sweetheart lost interest in romance, or lost interest in you?

Wrong question.

Resist jumping to such a disastrous conclusion. Ask a positive question: Is there a different preference which has become more attractive your sweetheart? Your sweetheart’s preferences may have changed. Maybe they’ve been reprioritized.

Time to revert to the detective to discover a change in preferences. Observe. Take note. Learn.

Seems my daughter’s preferences have migrated. Time together was always one of her preferences. It may now have elevated to #1.

What previous runner-up preference now stands atop your sweetheart’s preference podium? Answer that question, then modify your Romantic Interludes appropriately.


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