This short "Romantic Memo" contains thoughts, observations, research and ideas about Keeping RomanceAlive  in relationships.


You’ve probably discovered your sweetheart’s preferred way to be romanced. With:

  • ·         WORDS;

  • ·         Gentle TOUCHING;

  • ·         Little GIFTS;

  • ·         Giving your TIME.

 Phillip knew his sweetheart preferred to be romanced with the gift of his time. Denise would look forward to spending time with Phillip, sitting together on the sofa.

 It’s just not working though,” Phillip confided. “Like you told me, I try romancing her as she prefers to be romanced, with the gift of my valuable time, and it fizzles. We’ll sit down together on the sofa anticipating a memorable evening together. After 5 minutes she jumps up, says nothing and heads to the kitchen. I am sitting there with my mouth hanging open and the evening’s a loss.”

 It’s possible to use your sweetheart’s preferred way to be romanced and repel your sweetheart.

 Think about it. Do you:

  • ·        Give your sweetheart a bracelet and you get a throw away thank you?

  • ·         Coo “romantic words” and be physically pushed away?

 Further queries revealed that Phillip:

1.    Made sure Denise knew he was taking time from his very busy schedule to be with her and only had a little time to do so, and

2.    Suggested repeatedly he’d hoped that after a few minutes on the couch, he could “romance Denise” in their bedroom.

 The failure could be the result of Phillip trying to “bribe” his sweetheart into something he wanted instead of romancing his sweetheart to express his feelings, create a memory and strengthen the relationship.

 The goal of romance is to bolster the relationship between you and your sweetheart. If you romance with a different goal, a self-serving goal, like trying to entice your sweetheart to do something you’d like, that’s NOT ROMANCE.

If romance isn’t “working” for you, if romance isn’t cultivating a deeper connection between the two of you, maybe you should check why you’re trying to romance your sweetheart.


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