This short "Romantic Memo" contains thoughts, observations, research and ideas about Keeping RomanceAlive  in relationships.


A “good” fight helps you keep Romance Alive.

Left hemisphere immediately rejected that headline. It’s just wrong to use “fight” and “romance” in the same sentence. Right brain told me, “At least read the article.”

Good fighting to keep Romance Alive is based on two concepts.

  1. Fighting shows there’s still passion in the relationship. You must be emotionally invested to have a fight.
  2. Couples who share their feelings which lead up to the fight, increase intimacy and help rekindle the passion.

Could be something here. But what do you fight about to keep Romance Alive? Here’s a couple suggestions.

Fights about feeling lonely. If you feel a chasm between you, there’ll be no intimacy, no romance. “Fighting” about those lonely feelings and discussing your sense of disconnectedness, can forge a path to reconnect, to break down the wall and become a couple again.

Fight about what you want. Fight for your needs, your desires. After all, how do you expect to get what you want (keeping Romance Alive) if your sweetheart doesn’t know what you want from the relationship. You and your sweetheart need to have an honest conversation about both your (plural) wants.

Fight about priorities. Is romance more important to you than your sweetheart? Time to understand and be understood about its importance. Realizing your different priorities, gives you a baseline understanding of each other and facilitates an opportunity to find ways to fulfill each other’s romantic desires.

Knowing where each of you stands on these and other important issues, allowing disagreements to be debated (good fights), persisting in the “fight” to reach mutually satisfying conclusions can deepen intimacy, strengthen the relationship and help keep Romance Alive.

Thanks Dr. Saudia Twin (marriage therapist), Toni Coleman (relationship coach), Jenna Ponaman (relationship coach), and Carla Romo (dating coach) for your insights. 

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