A 50th wedding anniversary. What helped them stay together?
You’ve seen couples at restaurants share a table, but not a meal. They may talk while ordering. But phones become the focus and conversation ceases. They might try one-eyed conversations, with one eye constantly scanning their phone laying face up.
Does pillow-talk center around work frustrations, family problems, children, finances and how tired you are?
Then take advice from this wife of 50 years. She pays attention to her spouse.
There is something attractive, irresistibly enticing about someone interested in you. Genuinely curious about what you’re interested in. If your relationship feels like passengers on different ends of the same boat, her advice could drastically change that.
Take note of projects, hobbies or organizations your partner is involved with. Adult activities they enjoy separate from you and the kids. Then some evening, after the house quiets down, ask your partner about this activity. Maybe a simple question like, “It looks like what you planted is really shooting up. What seems to be growing best?”
At this point, your “job” is to pay attention. Actively listen. Show genuine interest. Ask questions without interrogating. Let their enthusiasm come out and don’t quench it. You’re letting your partner know you see them as an adult with wants and needs apart from the hopes and dreams you share together. You are separate individuals, peers as well as soulmates.
And be open to sharing the separate adult activities in your life. Sharing interests beyond the shared responsibilities of your life together strengthens the bond between you.
And as the conversation winds down, suggest having another conversation in a couple days. Propose the next conversation be at a restaurant over dinner or during a stroll. These open opportunities to combine a Romantic Moment with time together, strengthening you (plural).
Robert Beagle, LET
