Why are you in a relationship with your partner?
The “expected” answers include:
- I love her/him.
- They’re my better half.
- He’s/She’s my best friend.
- They’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
And what’s most attractive about being in a relationship with your partner?
Your response might be.
- For so many reasons. Or,
- Hmmm. Let me see. (Pregnant pause)
You might have different answers to these questions. Maybe better ones. I would, however, propose another response. One that has greater impact on you and your relationship.
I believe the most important reason for being in a relationship with your partner is having an intimate companion. And the most attractive thing about your partner is being able to be intimate with him/her.
Intimacy. An interesting and often misunderstood concept.
First of all, don’t confuse intimacy and s?x. You might think they mean the same. This is a misunderstanding! S?x is physical intimacy. But not true intimacy.
John Amodeo Ph.D., MFT in Psychology Today describes intimacy as a place where you feel emotionally safe to share your feelings, thoughts, and desires without fear. Conversely, researcher John Gottman identified criticism and contempt as all-too-common intimacy-busters.
When you connect and can be emotionally vulnerable with your partner, you can share and be fully yourself without fear of rejection. You are cherished, flaws and all. This is true intimacy.
And when you and your partner feel emotionally intimate, it opens up your relationship to romance. You’re free to create Romantic Moments. And if you create one which isn’t a perfect 10, you know you won’t be rejected or criticized. This security creates the atmosphere for even more relationship-building romance to blossom in your relationship.
When your relationship is built on true Intimacy, your relational foundation is strong. And this foundation gives you freedom to be romantic.
Robert Beagle, LET
