Have you seen this happen?
You meet someone with obvious talents – maybe they have a natural beauty, a quick mind, or they’re impressively healthy for their age. But as you get to know them, you realize they don’t value those gifts at all.
They do math in their head, but don’t think it’s special.
They’re in great shape but focus on what they can’t do.
Maybe they have musical skills, but don’t consider themself a musician.
Or they’re a born leader, yet hesitant to lead.
A very attractive friend of mine once told me she didn’t think of herself as pretty. Really?
Ever met someone like this? They live in personal doubt. Question their abilities. Minimize their strengths. Discount their talents as not really that special.
Lack of self-confidence often comes from past experiences. Jealous people criticizing them. Strengths minimized. Achievements downplayed. Abilities never acknowledged or celebrated.
If your partner fits this description, you can help her/him rediscover their strengths and create a stronger relationship between you. Try this meaningful (and romantic) relationship exercise.
Create a series of handwritten notes. On each note write, “Has anyone ever told you (list a specific talent, trait or attribute)? Well, I admire that about you.”
Give them one note twice a week for at least six weeks.
After you’ve shared the series of notes, invite your partner to help create a collage of the notes. Make it an event. An intimate moment. A memorable Romantic Moment celebrating your partner’s strengths, beauty, uniqueness. A reminder of why you value him/her.
And whenever you get a chance, compliment them in front of others. Be gentle. Never embarrassing. Let others know you’re proud of her/him.
Acknowledging your partner’s talents and abilities strengthens not only their self-esteem. It also builds a stronger connection between you. A more resilient relationship for both of you.
What will be their first trait you’ll compliment?
Robert Beagle, LET
