Do you think Romance is just manipulation dressed up with flowers, candlelight, and sweet words? A performance? You wonder if it’s just an illusion?
You’re not alone. Both men and women can be skeptical.
A friend sent a provocative post. The author claimed authentic people who’ve experienced a “spiritual awakening” can’t have romantic relationships. He contends, romance is based on games, illusions, and pretending, used to lure someone into filling their emptiness.
What I heard: healthy people can’t have romantic relationships because romance is about manipulation.
I told my friend, I partly agree. And strongly disagree.
True romance is built on The Relationship Triangle.
- Personal honor.
- Mutual Respect.
- Shared love.
If one partner pretends, trying to manipulate the other into “completing” them, the first two sides are already weak. In this situation, romantic gestures appear attractive. But they’re actually hallow. Using romance to try to fill their emptiness.
If your Relationship Triangle is weak, maybe it’s time to strengthen it.
Begin by asking yourself this challenging question: “Do I truly want my partner, or just need someone to fill my emptiness and ‘complete’ me?”
Note the difference.
Healthy relationships aren’t built on one or two incomplete people needing someone to complete them. They result from healthy partners building a healthy relationship – together.
Examine your own Relationship Triangle. Is there a weakness?
Any weak side of your Relationship Triangle will require strengthening with open, honest conversations. It’s not about assigning blame. It’s about strengthening your relationship. Outside help might prove valuable.
As your relational foundation strengthens, begin creating Romantic Moments without pretending or manipulation. Make them about romancing your partner so they feel loved.
True romance requires authenticity. Not games.
Perhaps the most romantic message you can give your partner is, “I don’t need you to complete me. I choose you to blend our lives together.”
Robert Beagle
